Just Those Few Weeks

This is hard for me to type about. But it's been on my mind so much lately I don't want to keep ignoring it.  A couple of weeks into December, I had a hair appointment with my cute hair dresser, Chelsea. We got talking like normal, about life and such. And she confided in me about a miscarriage she had experienced a year earlier, and that they have had no luck since getting pregnant again. Since I, myself have had a miscarriage in the past, I shared with her my feelings and let her know that I personally know of the heartache. I pulled up my blog post that I had written some of my feelings about it, to show her one of my favorite poems that I had come across and it helped me when I needed it. As I was letting her read it, and I saw the tears well up in her eyes, I couldn't help but feel so guilty because of my 3 precious littles I am blessed with, but mostly because I was pregnant at that moment but hadn't told her simply because we weren't telling people yet.... unfortunately, not long after this appointment I miscarried my sweet baby at 8 weeks. Having that talk with her, in my opinion, was a tender mercy for me. I feel like it prepared me for what I was about to go through for a second time. I had to remind myself over and over that for some strange, unknown, hurtful reason, this is what was supposed to be. My baby is in Heaven, and is perfect enough that he/she didn't have to come down on the Earth to go through all this craziness that we call life. And one day, that baby will be mine. I don't know if I will raise this child, or if they will already be full grown by the time I get there. But I do know that I have two angels waiting for me in Heaven, and how exciting is that?! I can't wait to hold them, and tell them how much love I have for them. This poem helped me the first time miscarrying, and it definitely has helped me this time. I can't ever get through it without heartache and tears, but it also reminds me to thank Heavenly Father for those few weeks.

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changes so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you.
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a few more weeks-
And no "normal" personal would cry all night
over a tine, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

~Susan Erling