My Sweet Angel

So, this is a day that will be in my memory forever. The day I lost you, my angel. We were so excited when we found out I was pregnant with you! Your due date was September 15th, now a day that I will always wonder why I'm not holding you in my arms. We were only able to keep you a secret for almost 2 weeks. We wanted the announcement to be special, so we made a gift bag for each set of grandparents. They had sippy cups, binkys, bibs, diapers, little rattle toys, and other cute baby items that I know you would have loved. We gave them to Grandma & Grandpa Clayton, and then headed out to Grantsville to continue with our exciting news!! Everything was going perfectly until I woke up the next morning feeling like something wasn't quite right. My life went from the happiest I had ever felt, down to the lowest I can ever imagine feeling. I never dreamt this could ever happen to me. I called my doctor, and set an appointment to see him the next morning, but I knew for sure that night that I had lost you. The words from his sweet mouth only made it more real. I couldn't believe the sadness your daddy & I went through the next while. All the physical & emotional pain only left us with broken hearts and empty arms. I can't explain how I felt, but I found this poem from a friend, & it explains perfectly how I feel:

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changes so profoundly.
In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks-
When I lost you.
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a few more weeks-
And no "normal" personal would cry all night
over a tine, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~Susan Erling

I know to others it sounds crazy, but I know you are still mine, & one day I will get to raise you in Heaven. I can't wait to meet you, & really hold you in my arms. I'm sure there was a reason for this, & one day I will know what that was, but for now, you will be missed, my sweet angel.